Beowulf (1999)

Beowulf: Directed by Graham Baker. With Christopher Lambert, Rhona Mitra, Oliver Cotton, Götz Otto. In a besieged land, Beowulf must battle against the hideous creature Grendel and his vengeance seeking mother.

“The future of fantasy never looked so dark! Christopher Lambert gets to fight the evil demon Grendel in this grim looking trashy fantasy-epos. u0026quot;Eposu0026quot; I said? Er… thereu0026#39;s only one location, so you canu0026#39;t really call it an epic adventure, can you? The location is a medieval/futuristic 5 inch tall castle, so how did they manage to cram in all the actors? Oh, I get it, those where special effects. A miniature. Silly me.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eHereu0026#39;s some reasons why you might want or NOT want to watch this motion picture:u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eu003culu003eu003cliu003eLambert gets to do his sword-swinging tricks over again like he did in Highlander.u003c/liu003eu003c/ulu003eu003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eu003culu003eu003cliu003eThe sets and costumes are amazingly cool (if youu0026#39;re a 12-year-old).u003c/liu003eu003c/ulu003eu003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eu003culu003eu003cliu003eRhona Mitra has a voluptuous pair of knockers which she likes to show off through-out the whole movie.u003c/liu003eu003c/ulu003eu003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eu003culu003eu003cliu003e…er, Christopher Lambert has white hair…u003c/liu003eu003c/ulu003eu003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eu003culu003eu003cliu003eEvery time they start fighting, this over-the-top raving techno-soundtrack gets going. So why are these medieval slayer-dudes fighting while they should be dancing.u003c/liu003eu003c/ulu003eu003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eu003culu003eu003cliu003eThey donu0026#39;t have electricity in this castle but they do have speakers installed which seem to work fine. So whereu0026#39;s the amplifier? I guess they borrowed it from the techno-dj who delivered the soundtrack.u003c/liu003eu003c/ulu003eu003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eu003culu003eu003cliu003eWatch it for the climax in the end which features an outrageous demonoïd CGI creature coming straight out of any Playstation 2 survival-horror game.u003c/liu003eu003c/ulu003eu003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eIf all this got you interested, then go watch it (at your own risk), but donu0026#39;t tell anyone I told you to. I strongly suspect Pinhead visiting the set while shooting, because this movie has no soul. Anyway, if you want to see beautiful Rohna Mitra really show some skin, then watch Paul Verhoevenu0026#39;s HOLLOW MAN.”