Legend of the Bog (2009)

Legend of the Bog (2009). 1h 30m | R

“Sweet LORD this is without a shadow of a doubt one of the WORST films, let alone horror films I have ever seen, the cheapness of the budget shows more in the acting talent than anything else, with the exception of Vinnie Jones who puts in his usual performance as…well…Vinnie Jones. You would have thought heu0026#39;d have developed some acting talent useful enough to broaden his range since LOCK STOCK but apparently not, he just grunts and mockneys his way through this heap like every other film unfortunate enough to be tainted by his embarrassingly unconvincing efforts at character realism. Also this film a lot of the time, especially for the first half doesnu0026#39;t appear to be sure to-be-sure whether or not itu0026#39;s a horror or an infomercial made for the travel and tourism board of Oireland, a lot of it seems to be jolly-begorrah panning shots of rural country or people going about their mundane business to the chirpy sound of Gaelic folk. The only saving grace to this joke is the on-the-floor-in-hysterics performance put in by whatever lunk they hired to play the bog man. He comes across like a supermarket trolley attendant lost in the woods on cheap speed, his facial expressions as he attempts to convey whatever the director told him to convey are priceless in their utter retardation, look out for a good bit at the end where the girl is squaring up to him, and for a minute he looks like heu0026#39;s building up to a really HUGE roar of fury, neck straining and everything, and then just suddenly looks confused, or constipated, a little embarrassed too. Iu0026#39;m totally in respect of the constraints in place once youu0026#39;ve spunked most of your budget on hiring someone with some international kudos but no acting talent whatsoever to play one of your leads, but the least you can do is put SOME effort into redistributing the rest to good effect.”