Ninja Cheerleaders (2008)47K
Ninja Cheerleaders: Directed by David Presley. With Trishelle Cannatella, Ginny Weirick, Maitland McConnell, George Takei. Three college cheerleaders (and after-school go-go dancers) use their martial arts skills to save their Sensei from mafia kidnappers, but must keep their extracurricular activities a secret to realize their Ivy League dreams at Brown.
“You should be honest here. If you come in to check out a flick with the title of u0026quot;Ninja Cheerleadersu0026quot;, youu0026#39;re most likely expecting hot cheerleaders and sexy ninjas. Not much more. Certainly neither Grammy-worthy acting nor a real plot is required here. You do actually WANT bad jokes, bad acting, ridiculous action, tons of TnA and heavy cheesiness! 🙂 Youu0026#39;ve come to the wrong place my friend, Ninja Cheerleaders does not deliver on almost any of these points! In fact, it might surprise you with bad taste.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eCheese factor is overwhelmingly great, so no complaints in that department. You will indeed get 3 hot all-in-one chicks karate-chopping the living hell out of some villain nuts. I kid you not when I say all-in-one! Theyu0026#39;re all super smart as well as the most beautiful women on earth who are made of steel, and on top of that theyu0026#39;re also strippers, cheerleaders and A-grade college students. They are the essence of feminist perfection (I guess except for the stripper part, but it links in). Not only one of them is that awesome, but all three of them are MORE awesome than the other. I doubt they can even die! Every single dude in the whole school wants to get in their pants, whether jock or professor! In fact, it seems all the men on earth cannot resist them (except for their sage, wise, calm Japanese mentor and sensei… who also employs them as strippers in his club).u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eYet, while theyu0026#39;re indeed pretty, I didnu0026#39;t seem to be struck by them in the same way the male characters in the movie were. Iu0026#39;ve seen hotter babes even in real life. Perhaps this whole crazy chemical reaction only happens to the brains of unfortunate males that ran out of luck when they inadvertently happened to be right in front of the killer girls? Poor guys, it must be the spirit of the ninja. So far, so good? Well keep reading.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eWhat baffles me is that with such a title and cover, you are targeting an audience of males looking for some goodhearted enjoyment through cheesy action and plenty of TnA. Yet, you never get any nudity from our katana-loving heroines: BOOOO!!! It gets even worse.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eDid I say u0026quot;karate-chopping the living hell out of some villain *nuts*u0026quot;? I meant that literally! Thereu0026#39;s WAY TOO MUCH testicle-crushing here for any normal dudeu0026#39;s enjoyment or (even) comfort! At one point, the girls even threaten to shove a hose up a bad guyu0026#39;s anus to his intestines, while taunting him as to whether the water overflowing his intestines would hurt more or would it be the metal tip of the hose entering him! All this, of course, only happens after one of our protagonists crushes his testicles in her bare hands (even commenting on how cool the crushing of testicles sounds). Nothing gory or really vicious-minded, but definitely a most disheartening picture for a normal man (and foolishly, with such a title, normal men are the targeted audience!).u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eThe overly feminist overtones throughout the movie really ridicules the director David Presley. Our heroines explicitly utter things along the lines of u0026quot;Men think theyu0026#39;re superior so I *crush* their reasons to believe sou0026quot; (with a big smile). Maybe at the time of the making of u0026quot;Ninja Cheerleadersu0026quot;, Presley had recently undergone surgery below the belt that went really bad, and sought catharsis by making a ball-crushing movie.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eOn a side note, the acting sometimes is surprisingly good! But then again, the audience for such a movie doesnu0026#39;t care about acting! In fact, within a certain style and range, the worse the acting the more we love it.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eI think this flick will greatly appeal to masochist men as well as feminist lesbians. Good, hot-blooded dudes, you should look elsewhere. The verdict: Good crazy action, heavy cheese factor, super-I-AM-YOUR-GOD-women, HEAPS of blatant feminist overtones, a serious lack of taste for a man simply looking for a fun B-Flick, and perhaps worst of all no real nudity. 2 stars for the cheese factor alone. Voilà!”