Simon Sez (1999)

Simon Sez: Directed by Kevin Alyn Elders. With Dennis Rodman, Dane Cook, John Pinette, Ricky Harris. Basketball superstar Dennis Rodman stars as a hip Interpol agent attempting to defeat the deadly plans of a crazed arms dealer.

“(r#40)u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eTV 3, a u0026quot;qualityu0026quot; TV channel here in Sweden, recently decided to have a bottom 100-marathon and showed BOTH Gigli and this turkey during the same night. Now, I donu0026#39;t know any of TV3u0026#39;s producers personally, but it seems to me like theyu0026#39;re torturing us rather than entertaining us. Simon Sez is a u0026quot;comedyu0026quot; so offensively stupid, it makes the Scary Movie series look like Bergman films. It seems to have been written by six year olds, for six year olds, but the foul language and violence would be too much for kids, so what was the target demographic, anyway? Oh right, idiots.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eDennis Rodman, professional basketball player (which is always a good sign) stars as Simon, a secret agent of some kind. He takes part in a kidnapping gone wrong. I wonu0026#39;t waste any more time explaining the plot because it couldnu0026#39;t have taken more than a few seconds to write it. Simon is accompanied on his mission by annoying white sidekick Nick Miranda (played by excruciatingly unfunny Dane Cook), who desperately wants to be Jim Carrey, and a sexy Emma Sjöberg.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eThis is not a good movie. Itu0026#39;s over-flooded by dumb action, hilariously retarded lines, and annoying characters. My favourite is the English/French/something villain Jérôme Pradon who wants to blow up the Eiffel Tower (u0026quot;Why? Because itu0026#39;s big and itu0026#39;s beautiful and Iu0026#39;m tired of looking at it!u0026quot;). Best line since u0026quot;Frankly, my dear, I donu0026#39;t give a damnu0026quot;. Seriously.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eEven the special effects suck. Avoid! And TV3, how about a Coleman Francis marathon next Sunday?”