The Cottage (2008)

The Cottage: Directed by Paul Andrew Williams. With Andy Serkis, Reece Shearsmith, Jennifer Ellison, Steven O’Donnell. A tough, cute woman is kidnapped for ransom and brought to a rural English cottage. David and two morons have way more to worry about than her crime boss stepdad, his two Asian killers and her.

“You might say that u0026quot;The Cottageu0026quot; has opened to less than stellar reviews in the UK. Frankly, this is a slight understatement. The truth of the matter is that u0026quot;The Cottageu0026quot; has opened to stinkingly bad reviews in the UK. Just terrible write ups.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003ePart of the issue the UK critics seem to have with u0026quot;The Cottageu0026quot; is that Director Paul Andrew Williams decided to follow up his low budget, gritty, violent and critically lauded thriller u0026quot;London To Brightonu0026quot;, with a pretty generic horror film. I donu0026#39;t mind that so much. In fact I kind of admire it. As a film fan I see all kinds of films. I would imagine that any film Director started off at some point as a film fan and, as such, would like to have a crack at making all kinds of films. If u0026quot;The Cottageu0026quot; had been a masterpiece then it wouldnu0026#39;t have mattered, would it? Just another Director working in a different genre.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eSadly, u0026quot;The Cottageu0026quot; is not a masterpiece. Far from it. Slapstick horror is very difficult to pull off, and u0026quot;The Cottageu0026quot; does not come close, but it is not the total flop you might think it would be from reading the reviews. I think the problem with u0026quot;The Cottageu0026quot; is that it cannot decide what it wants to be. Knockabout kidnapping comedy or knockabout horror comedy? It is a bit of both, but not enough of either. Sad to say it, but all of the best bits are all in the trailer.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eAndy Serkis and Reece Shearsmith are fine as the bickering, mismatched brothers and kidnappers: Andy Serkis permanently grumpy and frustrated, Reece Shearsmith, jumpy, under the thumb and a sufferer of Mottephobia. (You can look it up.) Boobilicious, lads mag favourite Jennifer Ellison as the tough as nails kidnap victim was a bit disappointing. I was expecting a lot more from her and didnu0026#39;t get it. Not nearly an energetic enough performance.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eI went to see u0026quot;The Cottageu0026quot; with my Brother. I got a one word review from him. Sh*t. Maybe that says it all?”