War of the Worlds: Goliath (2012)

War of the Worlds: Goliath: Directed by Joe Pearson. With Adam Baldwin, Beau Billingslea, Kim Buckingham, Jim Byrnes. A retro-futuristic epic of steampunk battle set in 1914. It has been 15 years since the original H.G. Wells Martian invasion. Fearing another attack, the human race has prepared itself. This is the story of the battle tripod ‘Goliath’ and its young crew. ‘Goliath’ is the vanguard of an army of steam-powered battle walkers, heat-ray biplanes, and armored zeppelins facing a Martian fleet of giant fighting machines and flying wings. Within the cockpit of ‘Goliath’, courage under fire, conflicted loyalties and the struggle to save earth, in this new War of the Worlds.

“I donu0026#39;t know where this u0026quot;styleu0026quot; of animation comes from. No, seriously, I donu0026#39;t know. But it seems like a lot of similar stuff was cranked out back in the eighties in shows like u0026quot;He-Manu0026quot; or u0026quot;GI Joe.u0026quot; Every man a steroid-abusing lunk, every woman an astringent big sister. Is that how the world looks to eight-year-olds? I donu0026#39;t know.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eI do know that what we see here is an alternative Earth where Martian steroid technology was adapted by Nicolai Tesla to enable all men to be gigantic muscle gods. Or something. But the u0026#39;roids also cause them to have bizarre behavioral changes–including constant teeth-clenching, weird grimmacing and a propensity to engage in suicidal fights–with each other, with Martians, with inanimate objects. All the actors spit out their lines like they are The Pharaoh cursing the Israelites. u0026quot;Whereu0026#39;re my pancakes!u0026quot; sounds like a call to battle in this demented world where everything is macho and nothing is…well, um, u0026quot;un-machou0026quot;?u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eItu0026#39;s all about the booming and the bashing and the hitting and the smacking, with unintentional comic relief provided by the tiny (of course)u0026quot;girlu0026quot; who has one heck of an anime hair-do. Anything–anything would have helped this dead whale get off the ground, except what they did. In this demented world, everything is based upon the social structure and skills of eight-year-olds. Conflict? Fight! All it needs is music by Metalica to be a perfect example of why maturity is a good thing.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eGive this one a pass.”