Iron Soldier (2010)

Iron Soldier: Directed by Brett Kelly. With Derick Fage, Joe Estevez, Brianna Barnes, Shelley-Jean Harrison. A robot created by the military falls into the hands of a group of mercenaries. It’s up to the son of the man who created the robot to stop the mercenaries before they sell the robot to a foreign power.

“IRON SOLDIER opens with dramatic music, thundering dramatically! u0026quot;Soldiersu0026quot; in green T-shirts and camouflage pajama pants, are busy firing toy guns, while field-testing a new u0026quot;robotu0026quot; from the local dollar storeu0026#39;s giant, plastic dingus department.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eOh No!u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eu0026quot;Terroristsu0026quot; equipped with similar toy armaments, break into the super secret facility and abscond with the dingus, leaving only dead scientists in their wake.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eEnter General Brooks (schlock omni-god, Joe Estevez), in a Bride Of Frankenstein wig, who assembles a strike team to reacquire the dingus.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eEnter Major John Arbor (Derick Fage), who is called in due to his being the only one who can operate the dingus.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eTWO BURNING QUESTIONS AT THIS POINT: #1- Whereu0026#39;s that dingus, so it can start killing these people? #2- Who trained the squirrels that filmed this abomination?u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eWatch! As a helicopter turns into a cartoon before crashing!u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eSee! People running sideways, due to the squirrelsu0026#39; inability to hold the camera with their tiny hands!u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eWitness! The u0026quot;terroristsu0026quot;u0026#39; futile attempts to match their toy guns against the dingusu0026#39; u0026quot;laser beamu0026quot;!u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eMore tilted camera shots can mean only one thing. Itu0026#39;s time to feed the squirrels!u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eIn the annals of sub-sludge, ultra-dreck cinema, this u0026quot;filmu0026quot; shall forever be known -in squirrel Latin- as: Turdus Elephantus.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eONE QUESTION REMAINS: How many squirrels can dance on top of an acorn? Surely, the dingus knows…”