Lumberjack Man (2015)

Lumberjack Man: Directed by Josh Bear. With Michael Madsen, Ciara Flynn, Jarrett King, Brina Palencia. As the staff of Good Friends Church Camp prepares for a spring break filled with “Fun Under the Son

“As I write my review of this absolute garbage of a movie, Iu0026#39;m wondering if Michael Madsen needed to pay some back taxes or something. Letu0026#39;s start right up. A bunch of teens (who look nothing but) go off to a Christian Camp. Every character is a stereotype, none can act worth a damn, and the SFX are laughable. Some look like they were rented (the first two women to get killed) from a porn film. Tonu0026#39;s of boring gratuitous nudity doesnu0026#39;t help this poorly paced film. Iu0026#39;ll be honest here if it was supposed to be a comedy – it wasnu0026#39;t. Most comedy/horror unless its Shaun of the Dead or Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, or the first two Scary Movies, suck. If itu0026#39;s supposed to be horror – well, Iu0026#39;m pretty sure people have had more frightening wet dreams. Lets look at a few of the dumber things. Two porn stars (thatu0026#39;s what they look like) bum a ride on the school bus. They get busy in a threesome. The killer (who looks part tree and is super strong, so why does he need weapons and what the hell is with those gigantic pancakes?) enters said bus, chops both their heads off (the heads flying out of each window, yanks lover boy to his feet, and stabs him through the chin and brain. Yet, this guy is able to scream? Later said killer hits a ranger in the SPINE with an ax, sheu0026#39;s able to crawl away, drive him off with maple syrup (his weakness) and pull the ax out. Another moron has her legs and arms broken (and sheu0026#39;s still able to talk) as he tries to make her into a picnic table. This fails and he tosses her off a tree (shades of Jason!) killing her. Another hanging by a foot, has a syrup tap driven into her skull so blood can flow. Anyone bored yet? This is just a lame version of a Friday the 13th with crappier effects. Just avoid this until one is an insomniac or a drunk.”