Planet of the Sharks (TV Movie 2016)

Planet of the Sharks (TV Movie 2016). 1h 26m | TV-14

“Have made no secret in the past of intensely disliking, and even outright hating a lot, a vast majority of The Asylumu0026#39;s and SyFyu0026#39;s (near-universally maligned for good reason) output, though there is curiosity as to whether they are capable of making something good and compulsive about their outputu0026#39;s badness. Admittedly, both The Asylum and SyFy do have a small group of watchable films and the occasional (big emphasis on that word) above average one, unfortunately outweighed by the lacklustre at best and often dreadful films they churn out.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eBefore anybody gets defensive, am well aware that films like u0026#39;Planet of the Sharksu0026#39; are not ones to be taken seriously. Have seen my fair share of low-budget shark films, and any other kind of low-budget creature film, and will admit to finding some guilty fun in some of them (i.e. the first two u0026#39;Sharknadou0026#39; films). There are far worse shark films, but is that an endorsement or saying much? Not really. u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eTake no pleasure in rating films low or leaving negative reviews. Actually always aim to be an encouraging and perceptive reviewer, and 1/10 ratings are extremely rare.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eSadly u0026#39;Planet of the Sharksu0026#39; is just too amateurish to accept as a guilty pleasure, where nearly everything is just poor quality that itu0026#39;s insulting and there is nowhere near enough fun, intentional or unintentional, moments. Was not expecting anything intelligent here, am well versed now to know that it is not that kind of film, but it does feel like it was made by somebody who didnu0026#39;t know how to give a film brains, so much so that itu0026#39;ll make the viewer feel dumb and that is not a nice sensation to feel watching a film.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eGot some marginal entertainment out of the opening scene as it was sort of fun, although it was also very predictable and silly. Unfortunately, it rapidly fell downhill, where ridiculousness and cheapness amongst other things were taken to extremes. u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eVisually, even when knowing what to expect, u0026#39;Planet of the Sharksu0026#39; still looks really cheap. Any nice scenery that the movie has is difficult to appreciate when the movie is shot in such a drab way and when itu0026#39;s edited so amateurishly that bacon-slicer-like editing looks more refined. Worst of all in this regard are the effects, as it was made on low-budget it would have been forgiven a little if it was not great, but when the effects for the sharks look as if no effort was given in making them without looking so goofy and unfinished-looking that is hard to ignore.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eCan say little better about the personalities. The sharks are not menacing, not scary and not fun, not even strong enough to bring any unintentional humour or goofiness, thatu0026#39;s how bland they are. The music is very generic and adds very little, itu0026#39;s not always appropriate either and quite a lot of it is actually pretty annoying.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eWriting ranges between incredibly bad to appalling. Any comedy is incredibly forced and is so cheesy it is enough to make the eyes roll in disbelief, while the more serious moments are very awkwardly written and as trite as anybody can possibly go. Regarding the shark attacks, some are rushed, others are badly drawn out. They lack any kind of suspense and the over-silliness to the point of intelligence-insulting stupidity, terrible shark effects, bad editing and even more gratuitous gore further cheapen them. To describe the story as weak is being too insulting to the word weak, it is a very lethargically paced and thin as ice story with lots of padding that is either badly written or serves no point at all to the movie, other than attempts at novelty value, which falls flat on its face because it all feels so tired. It is not fun, it is not scary and it is not thrilling or suspenseful, itu0026#39;s just nothing but tired stupidity.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eAs for the characters, that theyu0026#39;re tired cliches isnu0026#39;t so much a problem, the problem is that they are either obnoxious with them constantly doing stupid things, so bland that it makes zombies seem more animated or both. Some of them are superfluous to the story or come and go out of nowhere constantly. The direction is as flat as a pancake, and the acting is amateur hour awful. The film may not unforgivably waste dependable actors, again that is saying little when you are watching actors looking bored or over-compensating to extreme levels.u003cbr/u003eu003cbr/u003eOverall, awful. 1/10 Bethany Cox”